My strength (working title)

Hi, my name is Jaimie and I am "functioning" mom.

My view of the perfect Stay at Home Mom (which is the standard I hold myself to of course) is of a woman who thrives in the face of hardship, creates strength out of nothing, needs help from no one and can cook three meals a day (from scratch none the less) while waving her magic wand to comfort her children, thereby never being stressed out and never needing to sit, rest, or serve cold hot dogs and dry cereal for lunch. Ha!  According to my own standard I am a daily failure and lead a hopeless existence.  The end.

Ok, not reality, but it does seem to be the mental trap I get sucked in to on an almost daily basis.  And the worst part is, I can't bring myself to be around people and allow them to see me in my weakest moments.  In fact, it's the last thing I want to do!  Which is extra horrible, since I am highly extroverted and cannot be fully restored without inviting others into my mess!  How the enemy deceives!

Habakkuk 1:11b says "...But they will be held guilty, they whose strength is their god." (NASB)

My strength....MY strength.  Hmm. Yep.  This is an area of weakness in my life.  When I get overwhelmed (which, let's be honest, doesn't take much) my go to response is to buck it up and be a strong woman who can in essence be the victim.  I'll do everything myself and then cry "woe is me".  I don't allow people close enough to know my problems, so they don't offer to help.  Or if they do offer to help, I refuse, so as not to appear weak...I mean to not inconvenience others (but let's be real here).  The problem spirals and I sink further away from the life and plan God has for me.  Ach, depressing!  Gratefully, I have experience in a more hope filled way!

Keep people close!  In a practical sense, I need to spend time with my friends.  These friends ask me (with sincerity) how I'm doing.  They stop where they are to pray with me.  They hug me.  They hear me out, but in earnest, try to offer scriptural support and encouragement. And because they have been allowed in my "mess", they seek ways to help.  Often times they don't ask, they just show up with blessing at my doorstep (frozen dinners after my son was born, a walk around the block, babysitting, flowers, prayers, hugs, notes of encouragement, persistent nagging to be welcome in their life and even housecleaning sometimes!)  God has put people in my life to be an avenue of HIS strength at work, HIS grace, and HIS hope.  I cannot function alone.  I've tried again and again.

I have relied on my own strength too much in my life.  It is the god I return to time and time again.  I did not realize that fully until recently.

Back to Habakkuk.  Chapter 3 verse 19 says "The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on my high places." (NASB)

High places: Where people worshiped idols and false gods.

"Lord, I do not desire for my own strength to be my idol, they one I serve (Hab. 1:11).  With You as my God and my strength I can do far more...and for Your glory, instead of my own.  Crush my high places, because I choose, and will choose daily, to serve and trust in You! (Hab. 3 19)


Today, I start with God.  I will allow others in my life, to see my mess, and to see how God redeems it!  I will serve cold hot dogs and dry cereal if I must.  I will sit down and play with my children.  I will accept help that may come my way.  I will struggle in all these things.  But God is my strength and I trust that He will sustain me in the midst of my weakness.